DJ Gear

In real life a DJ at a strip club would get bored and start playing Angry Birds.

Déjà vu all over again

Sometime things happen that really remind me that Dancers are also sales folk and they go through the same things I do. When you are dealing with all sorts of people in slightly chaotic environment its easy to lose track of things.

I had spent the afternoon visiting a one of our vendors at work and had gotten stuck in a traffic jam on my way home. Rather than spend quality time with ten thousand of my closest friends on the freeway I bailed off the freeway and took side streets to my favorite club to wait for traffic to die down. I was at the club at an unusual time for me (early afternoon). I grabbed a drink and sat down near the stage. The club was pretty empty, the dancers outnumber the customers.

A couple songs went by when a dancer I've never met before sat down next to me. We quickly went through the standard strip club introduction conversation:

Her: What's your name?

Me: Todd

Her: Hi Todd, I'm Epiphany (not her real name)

Me: Nice to meet you

Her: So do you live around here?

Me: yeah, just a couple mile s down the road.

Her: So what do you do for a living?

Me I'm an Engineer.

Her: Wow, that's really interesting. What brings you here today?

Me: Waiting for traffic to die down.

Her: Yeah, that's what everybody says. Would you like to get some dances?

Me: No, I'm going to play hard to get. I think I'll wait and see if I know anybody.

Her: OK, I'll stop by later in case you change your mind.

She walked back to the bar. A short time later a dancer I did know showed up and spent some time with her. After getting some dances from her I went back to my table to spend the rest of my ones and take off.

Epiphany stopped my table again. I assumed she was going to ask for dances again. Instead the following conversation occurred:

Her: What's your name?

Me: Todd

Her: Hi Todd, I'm Epiphany (not her real name)

Me: Nice to meet you

Her: So do you live around here?

Me: yeah, just a couple mile s down the road.

Her: So what do you do for a living?

Me I'm an Engineer.

Her: Wow, that's really interesting. What brings you here today?

Me: Waiting for traffic to die down.

Her: Yeah, that's what everybody says. Would you like to get some dances?

Me: No, I'm going to play hard to get.

We went through the almost exact same conversation. She gave me funny a look when I told her about playing 'hard to get'. I think it set in she had already sat down with me earlier As near as I can tell she had forgotten she had already talked to me until I said that. I've been on the other side of that conversation. After working a trade show for four days you quit looking at the people. You go through the exact conversation so many time you almost don't realize what you are saying. I imagine after several straight days at work most dancers are suffering from charming fatigue. It's tough to be polite and upbeat for an entire shift. Especially when you get a customer you want to strangle.

Of course this doesn't make me feel very good. I'd like to think I'd make a big enough impression that she'd remember me 40 minutes later.

Birds and Benjamins

While getting ready to head to the club today my cockatiel decide that the tip stack belonged to him. I guess he decided that he was going to be the Strip club Stud Muffin tonight. Fortunately I was able to bribe him with some millet before the authorities had to be called.

This is a shout out to the Tits and Sass web site's dogs and dollars/cats and stacks section. I'd send it to them but I don't qualify as a sex worker, though there would be no sex workers without patrons. Anyway, Boris got his treats and I got to see some sexy women so a good time was had by all.

Missing Money

I don’t like to hang out at the rail. I’m not a gynecologist or dermatologist. I don’t need to see that much detail. Also I wear bifocals and find my self tilting my head back like I’m trying to read a menu at Denny’s. It’s kind of embarrassing, I start wondering if I’ve trimmed the hair in my nose.

I always try to tip every song though. So I’ll scurry between the table and rail between every song. I’m not a strip club stud muffin that needs the dancer to acknowledge every penny I put down. Consequently the dancer doesn’t know I’ve put a tip down. Most of the time dancer quickly notices the tip once the song starts. But a surprising amount of time dancer completely misses the tips and leaves the money on the rail when they leave the stage. The middle of last October I decided to keep track of the amount of my tip money dancers have left uncollected on the rail. As of 7pm January 12^th the total was $132 in missed monies. That’s real money being left behind on stage.

Even if the previous dancer didn’t pick up the tip I’ll keep tipping. Sort of a Strip club version of ‘let it ride’. The highest the tip has ever reached before a dancer noticed was $12. I used get a little offended when a dancer ignored my tip. Eventually I realized it simply because the she didn’t see the cash.

It really kind of surprised me how much money dancers missed. These were also very experienced dancers. I’ve seen girls just starting who are so nervous they just want to get off stage as fast as they can. Mostly, I believe its dancers are so used to the only guys tipping are the ones at the rack that they simply aren’t checking other places for money.

I work with the human visual system on regular basis. I’m an engineer specializing in flat panel displays. It’s probably more important to understand how people see things than it is operation of displays when it comes to debugging problems. The human eye misses a lot of information. Try a quick test, look at the edge of screen and try to read the test with your peripheral vision. You either can’t or it’s difficult. The actual area you eye can accurately resolve clearly is very small. The human eye has to bounce around trying to pickup everything important. Its easy to miss things, like your car keys.

Magicians take advantage of this when they do their illusions. Raymond Penn of Penn and Teller never or rarely talks on stage. This forces people to look at his face read his emotions. When they are looking at his face he’s free to perform his slight of hand. Unless the dancer is systematically searching for tip around the rail it would be very easy to miss the tip.

I now some dancer’s miss tips because they aren’t wearing their contacts of glasses on stage. They’d rather see blurry customers on stage. I can’t say I blame them. They come to make money, customers come to see them. I suppose I should probably just not put more money up if the dancer misses my tip. A lot of that $132 would still be in my pocket if I did.

You're probably getting to old for strip club's when

1) You don't want to sit at the rail because you forgot your bifocals.
2) The dancer sitting next to you is speaking English, but you have no idea what she is talking about.
3) The dancer refers to 1970's as ancient history.
4) She thinks Steven Tyler is just Liv Tyler's father.
5) You'd stay longer but the chairs are just too damn uncomfortable.
6) You can remember when dancer's didn't wear clear platform heels.
7) You don't recognize a single song the DJ plays.
8) You think Tom Baker was the best Doctor.